It’s been a while since I’ve visited this little corner of my world. To be honest, I’m not quite sure what I am going to write about right now. This has been a struggle lately, sort of like a writer’s block, but more than that.
Even more so than a writer’s block, I think it could perhaps be that I don’t know what to say. This is my last semester as a student at Texas A&M University. A place that has taught me, shaped me, changed me, challenged me, and transformed me into the woman I am today. However, also a place where I have felt crushed, discouraged, lost, rejected, and heartbroken. The good times, the hard times, it has all helped me to find who I am, to discover my true identity that has only pointed back to one thing.
Right now, I feel ready to graduate. I am absolutely thrilled to enter the next stage of life and start an adventure. I can’t wait to be completely out of my comfort zone and thrown into brand new situations. In a way, I feel as if I am simply waiting. Going to work, going to class, going through the motions of each day until I can start this new journey.
A time of life where things don’t really change, most things stay the same. I feel as if most days look similar to others and I feel a little restless.
It’s hard for me to sit still sometimes, and be present in the quiet moments.
Here’s the thing, love. I’m learning that this is the point.
God is showing me that no matter where you are in life, or what you are doing, or how glamorous your life may be at the moment, that it isn’t the “big” things that make life extraordinary. It’s the minute, tiny, minuscule moments of every single living, breathing day.
The wonderful smell of a fresh pot of coffee when you wake up in the morning to a new day to be alive. A spontaneous trip to the movie theater with your roommates late at night. Finding a new flavor of ice cream at the grocery store that you love. A call from someone you haven’t talked to in a long time. Discovering a new song that becomes your new windows-rolled-down-in-the-car jam. Smiling at a stranger and them smiling back at you. Holding the door open for someone. Going on a nice, long run.
Life is always about these little moments. The different, creative and crazy ways that the Lord reveals His immeasurable, divine love to us.
The moments he reminds us that we’re okay.
We don’t have to be doing “great,” or feel swept off our feet, or over the moon happy for life to be good. Life can be good when we are okay.
There is something powerfully healing when you realize that even in the most painful of times, that you will eventually be okay. Losing someone close to your heart, getting rejected from a job you desired, going through a difficult break up, feeling far away from yourself. I believe that even in those times, our good Father gives us moments that remind us that we will be okay.
At church last Sunday, He gave me one of those moments.
My life is currently not in a season of crushing tragedy or heartbreak, or a season of everything going right. But instead, I am in a waiting season. Waiting to apply to jobs, waiting to find out where God will lead me next, waiting to graduate college.
And sometimes it leaves me feeling empty, like something is missing, a part of me left unfulfilled.
Walking into my church Sunday night, I felt these things and they began to pile up. The lyrics to this song brought tears to my eyes and my knees to the floor in wonder and awe of my Savior.
But I’ve heard the tender whispers of love in the dead of night
And you tell me that you’re pleased
And that I’m never alone
I’ve seen many searching for answers far and wide
But I know we’re all searching
For answers only you provide
‘Cause you know just what we need
Before we say a word
It was almost as if He was saying, “Meredith, surrender your plans to me. I have it figured out. I know what is best for you and I love you. You are not alone, you will never be alone. I know what you need always, so if you feel you are missing something, that thing isn’t what you need right now. I have you, my daughter. Trust me.”
When someone asks you how you are doing, and you say, “Okay,” that is not a bad thing.
It is perfectly okay to just be okay. It’s those times in life where He reminds us of our need for Him the most. It’s the mundane, ordinary, routine days of life where God reminds us of the intricate beauty He has thoughtfully woven into every aspect of our lives, some that we don’t even realize.
One of my favorite quotes that is framed on my wall says this and I couldn’t have said it better:
“Not to spoil the ending, but everything is going to be okay.”