rush hour

I’ve never lived in the middle of a big city until this summer. Falling asleep to the subtle roar of cars driving at night, waking up to the sun peeking through the windows to begin the new day, and simply living life from the 6th floor of an apartment building in the constantly buzzing city of Santiago, Chile. Sometimes life moves so fast that I forget about the silence.

Have you ever experienced a moment in life where words wouldn’t do justice? Those moments where you have no words, the ones that leave you speechless. Darling, I have realized this is something I too often forget. I love words. I love coming up with different ways to say things or learning a new word and the meaning behind it. But I have realized these past few weeks that sometimes, there are no words.

In the world we live in today, there lies an eager yearning to know all the answers. Why do things happen as they do, bad and good? Why does God allow people to suffer if He claims to be good? Why do people we love get taken from us on this earth much too soon? 

And then, the moments of silence.

The questions with answers to which we have no words.

The times I am on my knees praying this prayer:

Matthew 26:39 “Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”

I wish I knew. I wish I could sit here and tell you why. I wish I could tell you the answers to these questions. However, if I did know all of these answers, then would God still be God? Sovereign, all knowing, all mighty, omnipotent, eternal. Would these things still describe Him, if we knew all that He did?

The other night I was sitting on the balcony outside of my apartment to catch a fresh breath of air. The sky was extravagantly painted with orange, pink and golden coloured streaks embedded in the clouds. The tall buildings surrounding me and snow capped mountains standing majestically in the horizon suddenly made me feel small and insignificant in a giant world, full of unanswered questions. A thousand different thoughts were flying through my head faster than I could keep up with. I was listening to a song called “Fullness” by Elevation Worship. One of the verses in the song says this:

Now the world awaits Your presence

And this power is within us

We will rise to be Your witness

Spirit come, Spirit come

This world is full of sounds all around us clouding our hearing, full of lights blinding our eyes and blocking our vision. It is easy to get lost in translation, to become angry when we don’t know why things happen the way they do. And why God allows people to suffer if He claims to be good. And why people we love get taken from us on this earth much too soon.

Dear one, if you were to look me in the eye right now as I write this post, you would see brown eyes filled with tears and emptiness. Because I don’t know.

I don’t know why.

This is what I do know.

I know that God is good.

I know that He is always good.

I know for a fact that no matter what, He is faithful.

I know that He keeps His promises.

I know that His love never fails.

I know that He can be trusted.

Remember that sometimes the silence is more powerful than a thousand words. In quietness and in trust shall be your strength (Isaiah 30:15). Dear child, tune out the sounds, be still and know (Psalm 46:10).

Isaiah 55:8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.”

Let us hold fast to the truth. May we cling to the life vest of hope when a flood overcomes the sinking boat. I pray that you will build your house upon a rock, for when strong winds come.

In the midst of the rush hour, listen for Him above the noise. Look for Him through the blinding lights.

Within the unknown is the beauty of certainty.

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