blank pages

You can always look at anything in two ways.

For instance, right now, I am staring at a blank screen as words subtly but surely fill the screen and a whirlwind of thoughts overflow onto the computer screen while my fingers try to make sense of the jumbling ideas inside of my head. Lines and lines of a page that needs to be filled in order to make something out of what I’m thinking or feeling, but instead I sit and stare and my heart is prone to wander.

Or, I can look at this blank page on a screen, and I can take a deep breath. I don’t know what is going to fill these lines. Better yet, what will fill the next sentence that I am about to write. To be completely honest, I have no plan for this post. I am just typing, writing, dreaming, hoping that it might just become something beautiful that I can look back on. I don’t know what the last sentence holds. But somehow, that’s okay, I don’t need to know. All I can do is keep writing until I get there, knowing that the adventure lies within the journey.

And then I stop and think. The way I feel about this blog post in this very moment is sometimes how I feel about life.

My life seems to be flashing in front of my eyes and spinning out of my control more than I can keep track of and at moments, it feels like I am merely staring at a blank page. A blank page filled with no words because I don’t have any. An unwritten space full of uncertainty and the unknown future. Thousands of things that I could say or do or feel but for some reason, all I can see is the blank screen. Filled with fear at times, with loneliness at another, or sometimes with doubt. And at the end of the day, I feel like one of those unlined journals that you get at the bookstore, the kind that smells like a brand new book when you open it up. Endless possibilities with no clue in the world where to begin.

Or I can look at life in a different way.

In the midst of the craziness and chaos that life can bring upon, there is a stillness and a peace that can be found. However, love, this peace doesn’t come from hundreds of intriguing words wrapped together in a beautiful, ornate package or a blog post filled top to bottom with rain droplets of wisdom and valuable treasures of advice. This serenity comes from trust. Trusting that the pages don’t need to be filled by yourself and trusting that the words will come as they come. And instead of striving for some perfect metaphor or awestricken analogy that will somehow make everything click, you just keep writing. Darling, some words will be harder to write than others, and some will come easier too. But you must have hope that the blank page is a picture of the calm in the midst of the raging sea. It is within the pages full of the blank spaces that He is writing your story.

It may not make sense all the time. There may be days that are filled with words and some that have none. But that is the simply the beauty of it, don’t you see?

Inside a blank page lies exhilarating opportunity, endless potential, captivating adventure, whimsical dreams, the mystery of the unknown. The most freeing thing in the world is to let go and just be. To stop trying to think of the right thing to say and to be on your knees in surrender. To admit that it is absolutely and one hundred percent impossible to always have it together all of the time. To allow yourself to be real with yourself and with people.

To trust in the God of the universe and all creation who knit together the inmost being and depths of your soul because the battle has been fought and victory has been won. And the story has already been written, darling.

Psalm 139:16 “In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

There are always two ways.

You just have to keep writing, and leave the rest up to the Author.

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