invisible

Fair warning, this post contains sheer honesty and vulnerability.

Okay, so you’ve been warned- but I wanted to share something with y’all that has been on my mind lately.

So hello world, my name is Meredith and I struggle with loneliness.

It already feels lighter just typing that right now knowing that some of you have felt this before or feel this way now, and can relate to what I am about to tell you. Invisibility is rooted in the desire to be noticed. Inside all of us is a longing to be captivating, to be endearing, to be recognized. When people affirm our worth, whether by complimenting us on our beauty or congratulating our achievements, it boosts our self esteem just a little bit enough to last until the next day, then it starts over. And suddenly, you feel this sense of loneliness again and seek out another person to make you feel less alone. When in reality, you could be standing in a crowd of hundreds of people and still feel like you might as well be invisible.

Can anyone relate?

Or maybe you find this affirmation in titles and things tied to your name that add to your identity. Therefore, whenever these titles or forms of acceptance don’t go your way, you automatically think of yourself as less worthy. Instead of having this confidence that is in something more than this world, perhaps you let the rejection define you. Even though, love, that could not be farther from the truth. Rejection, titles, acceptance- none of that defines who you are. I have a favor to ask you: believe that tonight.

Potentially you seek this seemingly sought after self worth in relationships. Break ups tend to spark a sense of doubt in your mind questioning your value and crushing a part of you that placed your worth on that person. Dear one, I want to tell you right now that is a lie too- people will always fail you. That is simply an aspect of being human, we are broken, sinful, and hurt each other all the time. So no, this relationship does not define who you are. I have learned time and time again that when we place are hope in other people we will consistently be disappointed. Not because of the people we place our hope in, but because Jesus is the only One who can ever fill that void. Our hope must be in Him.

Wanting to feel known is something that resides in every creature with a soul.

I want to let you in on another truth.

You are already known.

Not only are you known, but you are loved. Amidst your flaws. Past your imperfections. Despite your failures. That changes nothing, beloved child.

Trust me when I say that most likely every person who reads this has felt loneliness at one point or another in their life, probably more than once. That is because we were made for each other, to live in community, to have relationships, to love one another. However, we were not made to be dependent on each other for our worth or affirmation of our identity when we feel invisible.

Think of it this way. Do you remember those invisible pens that when you write on a certain type of paper and hold a special flashlight it reveals what you wrote with the pen? You could write whatever you wanted, thinking no one would ever know unless they had that flashlight and saw through the invisibility.

You, darling, are the invisible ink pen. Transcribing in invisible ink, or rather, trying to hide behind the loneliness you feel. On the outside looking in, you may not seem lonely at all. In fact, you might be surrounded by tons of friends and family and people who love and adore you, yet something is still not right. Only the Holder of the flashlight sees through the facade, only He knows you even when you don’t want to be known. Or when you are desperate to be known and feel very unknown. You are still known to Him, love. The invisible ink can only take you so far.

Isaiah 43:1 “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine.”

Psalm 139:17-18 “How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.”

1 Samuel 12:22 ” For the sake of his great name the Lord will not reject his people, because the Lord was pleased to make you His own.”

The plague of invisibility can be detrimental unless the light is shined upon us and we accept and believe what is true.

This is what is true: You are never alone.

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