the beauty and the broken heart

Darling beauty, 

If the title of this post struck a cord in you when you read it, I am so glad you are here today in this corner of my heart.  First of all, my heart is breaking for you that you are suffering through a broken heart.  I know you have a pit in your stomach that feels like it will never go away.  Advil doesn’t help like it normally does, taking a nap to refresh your exhaustion doesn’t quite do the trick, and you can’t put a sling or a cast on your heart to relieve the pain or make it feel better for a moment.  All you can do is be still and allow yourself to feel (Psalm 46:10).  Do me a favor, sweet girl.  Don’t suppress your tears or choke back your sobs.  Don’t shove a smile on your face and pretend that everything is right in your world and that everything is fine and dandy.  Don’t turn off every feeling you’ve ever felt to make it hurt less, and forget how to love.  Right now, if you feel that you are about to cry, please cry.  Please turn on that song that brings you back to your heartbreak and snuggle up in a blanket with a mug of hot cocoa and simply melt into a puddle of sadness.  Because guess what, dear child?  It is okay to be sad.  Your Father is hiding you in the shadows of His wings (Psalm 91:4) and collecting all of your tear drops in a bottle in heaven (Psalm 56:8).  He is holding you with both arms open wide waiting for you to run and jump into His arms like in the movies.  The Prince of Peace is awaiting a divine romance with you, beautiful girl.  The most wonderful romance in the entire world (Jude 1:21).  More than the Notebook, more than A Fault in Our Stars, more than Dear John.  This Prince who is holding your fallen glass slipper like Prince Charming, who will ride on a magic carpet for you like Aladdin, who is pleading you to let down your hair like Rapunzel did- except this time not your long locks, but the walls you have built up around you.  Walls that were built when your trust was broken by a human boy.  They were built like a castle tower surrounding your delicate heart that you handed out on a silver platter, beating faster and faster from being in love.  But oh my darling, your delicate heart was dropped.  That precious part of you- the most real, genuine, intimate, and vital organ that keeps you alive- was shattered into tiny bits and pieces.  Like one of those 1,000 piece puzzles that doesn’t make sense and you don’t even know how to begin to put it back together again.  I wish I could swoop in and just give you a hug and let you cry on my shoulder.  I have been in your shoes, love, crying my eyes out until my tear ducts have just about drained the ocean.  The “what-ifs” and the “if-onlys” keeping you wide awake into the misty hours of the morning.  You have thought back again and again on what could have possibly gone wrong and you have wondered what was real and what wasn’t.

Everything seemed perfect, didn’t it?  Was it your fault?  How did you mess it up this time?  Are you even worthy of love?  Now that this person isn’t a part of your life anymore, are you still beautiful and valuable?  What defines you now that they are gone?  Do you even know who you are?

You, darling beauty, are a daughter of the King.  You are called worthy and redeemed.  You are loved by Him, it’s who you are.  You are His (Isaiah 43:1, 1 Peter 2:9).

Go take off the make up that has smeared your beautiful face from your crying.  Gently wash the tear stained mascara away and splash some cold water to refresh you.  I want you to look into the mirror and feel that you belong.  That your place in this hurting world may not be known yet, but it is here.  I know you must feel so lost, broken, and confused.  I’ve been there too.  I’ve been there singing “All Too Well” at the top of my lungs in my car alone while simultaneously feeling my heart twinge inside all over again.  I’ve been there buying myself pretty pink flowers from the grocery store just because.  I’ve been there in the drive-thru at Sonic ordering a chocolate shake with whipped cream and a cherry because chocolate always relieves the pain just for a tad, until the pain moves from your heart to your stomach 🙂 just kidding, but it really does help sometimes.  I’ve been there suppressing my tears and telling everyone that I am doing wonderful, that everything is going “just fine” in the world of Meredith.  But in reality, I felt like I was in the eye of a hurricane.  In the waves amidst a tsunami overtaking everything I knew to be true.  It was in those times, dear child, that my trust was put into action.  My faith was put to test.  Will I trust in the One who can calm the raging sea and move mountains at the sound of His name?  Or will I crumble like a house built upon the sand when something in my life doesn’t go as I’ve planned or so hoped that it would play out?

IT IS OKAY to buy the chocolate shake today.

IT IS OKAY to take a steaming hot bubble bath and let it soak up all of your worries.

IT IS OKAY to call your best friend and cry to her on the phone for an hour.

IT IS OKAY to watch one of those ridiculous (but amazing nonetheless) chick flicks and sob at the happy ever after ending.

IT IS OKAY to buy yourself some flowers today. You deserve it, darling beauty.

I hope you pick out the pinkest, prettiest, most delightful smelling flowers in the bunch and brighten up your room with a little bit of floral joy.  I hope your chocolate shake is the best tasting chocolate shake you have ever had in your life.

All that to say, it is okay.

But tomorrow is a new day, yet again.  A fresh start (Lamentations 3:23).  I pray that tomorrow you wake up with a smile across your face because you know not just in your head, but in your heart, how immensely loved you are (John 15:13).  Sometimes it helps to start out your day feeling really pretty on the outside.  Delicately putting on your makeup- foundation to mascara to lip gloss, doing your hair in the style that makes you feel the most confident, and adorning your outfit with the flawless sundress that makes you want to strut the streets like a model on the runway.  I think the reason why this helps is because it reflects how you view yourself (Psalm 45:11).  I want you to view yourself as beautiful and lovely and captivating and endearing.  I want you to look into the mirror and take a deep breath and swallow your sadness because that was for yesterday.  Yesterday is in the past now.  It is history.  All you are left with is the present moment and what is left in front of you.  Today, you are a royal princess.  I’m not just saying that.  Your Father in heaven is the King of Kings, making YOU a royal and important and beautiful princess.  He wants you just as you are.  He delights in giving you the desires of Your heart (Psalm 37:4).  Desire Him, love, and He will fill you with Himself.  And that will be all you need to survive your heartbreak today (Exodus 14:13).  Every second that your heart starts to ache again, breathe in trust and breathe out hope.  Hope that is found in Jesus alone.  In knowing that there will be a day where heartbreak doesn’t exist.  Cling to this today and allow these words of truth to satisfy the depths of your soul-

2 Corinthians 4:17 “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

I think your broken heart is beautiful because it reveals even more so your desperate need for a Healer.  But there is a little secret I want you to know- lean in close, because you will want to hear this one.  It gets better.

Trust me, it does get better.  Day by day, your good, good Father is mending your beautifully broken heart.  He is gluing together every broken piece, sewing together every thread that has come undone, and patching back the hole that only He can fill with His love.  I pray that you allow Him to be your eyes today if you can’t envision this glorious feeling on your own strength.  I pray that your soul will be satisfied with the fullness of our Redeemer’s unconditional and unfailing love (Romans 8:38-39).  Remember, love, when we are weak, He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9).  Cast your burdens upon Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).

Love is quite a strange thing.  Being in love with another human can drive us crazy.  Love in a sense can either make us want to sprint a marathon, swim across the ocean, and jump up and down just for the joy of it because we are so childishly happy about life all of a sudden.  Just like that, and our life feels better because this one person is a part of it, and they feel this way about you too.  But love can also do the opposite effect.  It can make you want to crawl into a dark hole and stay there for a few days, or hide out in a cave because the light blinds your eyes.  Love can break you down or build you up in the span of 3 seconds.  In the amount of time it takes to whisper the words, “I love you.”  Why are three words so heavy and weigh so much?  Why do they make us so happy yet have the power to make us sad at the same time?  I don’t have all the answers.  But what I do know is that when these three words are said, you are giving your heart away.  You are at your most vulnerable and fragile state and you are wearing your heart on your sleeve for the world to see.  All you can see in this moment is what is right in front of you, everything beyond that seems to be a blur.

Imagine feeling this way, however, the effect of love never makes you feel sad, only it makes you incredibly happy.  Ridiculously and insanely and joyously thankful to be alive because you are so in love.  You feel like you can grow wings and fly (Isaiah 40:31) and you don’t know what do with yourself because of the extravagant love that you feel inside of your heart.

That is what it feels like to be in love with Jesus.  Simply and purely the best feeling in the world.  Your heart is forever secure and will never be broken again in the arms of your Holy Savior.  On Earth, sure, it may be the object of a game of catch, tossed around, thrown in the air, beaten down, and dropped single handedly.  Let me tell you though, in the arms of Jesus, your fragile and delicate and precious heart is protected.  Like one of those safes where people store their most valuable items, that is how Jesus guards and takes care of your heart, the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23).

I hope by reading this letter you feel less alone.  I hope you feel less afraid and maybe a little less anxious.  I’m not worried about you.  I know you will be quite alright.  You are in the same arms as my Jesus.  So believe me, darling, you will be just fine (Zephaniah 3:17).

All my love,

A beauty with a broken heart

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 “Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.” 

 

 

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